Over the past few weeks, I have begun to dissociate myself with my surroundings. My reasoning for this is of course our supposed move to Switzerland (of late I am taking an I will believe it when I see it approach given our ongoing Visa woes). I feel myself subconsciously withdrawing from my environment and from relationships - coping skills for what is to come. I have of course, experienced this all before.
As a child, our family moved around - not a lot like many other kids but we moved around. As an adult, I have moved around (5 houses in 10 yrs of marriage) so I am getting good at the dissociative state that comes just before moving. Of course, this time is different. I will be missing the entirety of a continent.
As a child, our moves were fairly 'local' - all southeastern US. As an adult, they have been 'regional' (Cincinnati to Dallas and lots of places in between). So, this whole 'international' thing is a new ballgame. Naturally, I find myself wondering about how things will be different in Switzerland. What I wasn't expecting was the pull that Southern life would have in my emotions around the move.
I've always lived within a days’ drive from somewhere someone might consider the South (i.e - you can find GOOD fried okra there). In the past week, I am noticing EVERYTHING Southern - roadside veggie stands run by at least 2 generations of a family; the local meat & 3; the mountains; dollar stores; huge trucks with nothing in the bed.
The surprising part to me is how I relate to things I don't have a direct connection with but which have been omnipresent in my life - for my whole life. Things like a large body of water, gravel roads, old barns, pastures with cattle and combines. I have no experience with cattle or combines! Nobody in my family was even a farmer (that I am aware of)! But these things somehow resonate with me and help define how I relate to my surroundings.
My parents live in the sticks (that's country speak for they live in the country). Hell, you have to go to a special corner of their house to even have a cell phone conversation. But, over the past 3 years of living in Chattanooga, we have driven to their house from ours and back again dozens of times. You take the interstate until you don't and then it's all country back roads and county highways. Once you get off the Interstate you are surrounded by rolling hills, old country homes, and acre upon acre of gorgeous mountainous vistas. I am usually driving my minivan with two kids in the back who are making outrageous demands so I often miss out on the opportunity to fully absorb my surroundings.
Today, however, was a different day. I had to make a trip to my folks' house to drop off the last of our household goods and I was ALONE - yes ladies - ALONE! It was magical! It was a clear, beautiful day and I could just look ahead and soak it all in. I noticed a barn in a pasture and it made me think about how much I am going to miss the South and how much the South is part of who I am and what I love. I noticed every barn between the Interstate and their house and it made me realize that while Switzerland will have barns - it won't be these barns. So, I stopped and took a picture of my favorite one on this particular drive. I don't know whose barn it is or what it means to them, but to me, right now, it means I am home.
